The Man Club – January 2012 Edition

To be equal to my male friends, I have decided to write about the ultra complexity of the male mind. I do this to share with my female readers so that they can update their female code to UOS version 12764589.21 and sync with the man club code, which is on DOS version 1.1. UOS being the Universal Operating Sysem and DOS being the Doh Operating System.

In most cases the two systems produce incompatible results – blue screens, screaming viruses, electrical grid malfunction and a national energy crisis. This can all be solved with the the LTTML fixware 1.0 (Listen To The Man’s Logic). Oh no, this does work with the (JLTMARMEIDWYTFI) noware 1.0 (Just Listen To Me And Respect My Emotions I Don’t Want You To Fix It) patch. See why technology is so frustrating?

As an expert, I can assure you there is a Cyberwar being waged. You see it on the commercials everyday. Men are beginning to look like, well let me put this in PC terms, absolute gutless and spineless video game addicted wimps! You didn’t see Rhett Butler saying “Frankly my dear, I’ll do whatever you say!”, or “Let me hold your purse honey bear,” while the Atlanta fire sale was taking place.

Come on dudes, pick up a Harlequin novel. These women want men! Ever notice the cover? Some long haired, six-pack ab, European speaking, half-shaven, and sparkling god is what they are after. Try reading a Nora Roberts book. There the man will not give in to the flashing blue eyes and Covergirl red lipstick moistened lips of the female lead. Instead, today’s women are finding guys who fall in love with them one hour into the date, are tracked by GPS, and then have to obtain a court restraining order. You have to be a modern day code breaker. That’s why I supply us men with the Female Code posts. It’s an exercise in futility, but we men are known for courage against all odds. “It was never more than a fool’s hope.” That’s Gandalf code for “give it up, you’ll never understand women.”

It is time to stand up and be counted. Yes, they out number us, which gives us the advantage. They’ll fight over us until their numbers dwindle. It is time for the man club boot camp to whip you back in shape, you soft bellied swine. It is time we upgrade to 2.0, before returning back to the 48-hour online marathon of Gears of War. I salute you.

What do you think?

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