The Female Code – January 2012 Edition

I joke all the time with my Facebook female friends about the man club and its code. Amazingly, they are very witty and banter back with me very successfully. So successful are they, that their husbands do not come to my defense. Is this cowardice or just wisdom on their part that I have failed to recognize? Wimps!

I am a CPA and finanical advisor. Between laws and regulations I know the meaning of Code. In 31 years I have not mastered, nor will ever master or slay the federal income tax code beast. To paraphrase a famous line “Not with ten thousand men could you do such a thing, it is pure folly!” In many cases the code is ambiguous so that the tax court and lawyers can haggle over what the meaning of “is” is. But the tax code is nothing compared to the female code.

The female code is a titan of a beast. It is not a written code. It is ruled by hormones and is a shape-shifting shadow of horror. Ask your new iPhone Siri about the female code and it would probably discharge some electricity and a comment “You are not allowed in this realm.” Because Siri is a female too. Funny though, in a YouTube video two Siri’s talk to one another and one simply says “I do not understand your comment!” WELL THANK YOU, SIRI – my point exactly!

Two of my female friends wanted a character named for them in one of my upcoming “chronicles” series. I hesitated knowing how dangerous shape-shifters can be. Tamylla will be the good queen and Margith will be the evil queen. Margith didn’t want to be too evil and Tamylla wanted to be prettier than the evil queen. So I consulted with my top female advisor (my wife) what the heck I should do? Her advice just further muddled the issue for she is also a female. I need to figure out the female code. Well this blog post could on and on for all eternity, so I think I’ll give it a rest here. But I dare revisit it later. Just know that the story I have in mind will make Bella look like an infant when it comes to moody and obsessed females. I’m salivating at the challenge!

2012 is not the year you will see me say “just watch me!” with regards to the female code. If it was written, I’d still be trying to decipher the first sentence, gulping a double Vodka Martini and putting a gun to my head. One final thing, when a female says LMBO, don’t go there. “Not with ten thousand men should you do such a thing, it is pure folly!” I’m learning.

What do you think?

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